Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
