What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
