WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
farters have to be the big spoon...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
