I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
