wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
