His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
