So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
