1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
