And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
