Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
