Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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