at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
