Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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