You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
