Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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