Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
