why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
