Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
