If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Damn victory sex feels great
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
