Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
