Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
