My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
