I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
