Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
