i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
