I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
