you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
why is half of my head shaved?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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