Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
