Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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