Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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