Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
