Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
