the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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