my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
