Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
