'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
