who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
