So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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