Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
