walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
