apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
