My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
