I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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