eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
