Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
