Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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