I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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