I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
