my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
