Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
