when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
