Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
