dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
